LoveHate

"You said you won't break my heart. Unless you do."

Chelsea Wolfe

1. Truth to be told, I'm a complicated person. You see, I always have this love/hate dilemma towards people who are close to me and the interchange between love and hate can happen easily. One day I show you how much I care about you and tersenyum everytime I talk to you. The next day, I will ignore your existence in total. As much as this dilemma occurs without any difficulty, there's a stupid cause that leads to it. 

 2. I know I'm wrong but I'm a person who always thinks that for every trust that I give you, it must be paid with the same amount of trust. So, when I dont receive any, I will jadi punk ass rascal bodo yang easily annoyed and sensitive af out of nowhere. That's how the hatred towards you grown in me and the worst part is, I dont even recognize you anymore. 

 3. Somehow, I hate myself for being like this. Benda ni lah yang mengakibatkan aku lost contact with so many people who were so close to me. I dont blame them. I blame myself and my ego. My sensitivity. My mind. My assumptions. All these things, I hate them all. On the other side of the coin, this problem allows me to eliminate negative people effortlessly. They are dead to me. I wont grieve for them. 

 4. But one thing I could assure you. If you are caught in my problematic love/hate disease, please know that you matter to me.