Athazagoraphobia

And fear
How it often seems to be all you hear
Like a siren that just fills up your ears
Will you let it show you what you hold
Oh, so close
-Slipknot

1. Aku rasa dah memang sikap aku jadi pessimist terhadap semua benda. Walaupun benda tu kecil. Tak tegur sikit je, aku dah anggap diri aku ni kena pulau. It's a lame thing and aku tak reti nak elak. Termasuklah term yang aku sebagai tajuk dekat atas tu, 'athazagoraphobia' - the fear of being forgotten.

2. Dah banyak fasa aku lalui. Dan pengakhiran bagi setiap fasa tu menuju kepada satu konklusi - the title. I hate this feeling. Seramai mana pun orang yakinkan aku yang benda tu takkan terjadi, I still believe that it's happening.

3. Kadang-kadang, aku rasa macam nak pergi jauh. Travel around the world. Bermastautin kat sebuah tempat yang takda seorang pun kenal aku, tahu cerita aku, tapi masih sudi mulakan chapter baru dalam buku aku. Years later, come back to this place and begin a new life. A new me.

4. But being forgotten means something for me even though I don't like it. It's a forlorn feeling and it merges within me day by day. Just like the rain. The fear falls upon my life but it doesn't destroy me. I let it swifts down my body until the fear or the pain feels so good.

5. That's how I survive. Hidup dalam keadaan dilupakan (dan melupakan). Yeah. Comfort me, you can. But this feeling will never change. Trust me. I'm a liar.