A Confession : Escape From Planet BFF

"I really feel that I'm losing my best friend.
I can't believe this could be the end."
- No Doubt

1. I don't usually talk about girls on my blog but this time, I'm gonna break the rule. It's just a story that might give you an idea of how I act towards my bestfriends. The way I behave towards certain people that were really important to me. Even though this is a confession, I'm not gonna talk about my love story or what lol. I'm just doing a talk about my bestfriends. I repeat, bestfriends. I suppose the statement is understandable.

2. When I was in primary school, I had a girl best friend. It was during my days in Standard 6 that this girl was around me and we liked to have a conversation about stuffs. Well you know, we were just primary school students. Nothing to talk about but school thingy. When I had a problem, I would talk to her. I don't remember what kind of problem I was encountered at that early age. But who cares though? lol. So, I would find her and tell her about this and that crap. She listened to me and she gave me some advices. And then, the time had come for us to live apart. She went to Syarodz in Kuala Kedah and I went to Keat Hwa High. The second time we met, which was during a traffic jam, I saw her on a motorbike with his dad. I called her name and she looked at me. We smiled and slowly, she faded away. Stop.

3. I went to Melaka when I was in Form 2. And when I was in Form 4, I met another girl who then became my best friend. Her days at that time were ruined by her friends and past time - just like me. And the only person that she could rely to was me. Everytime she encountered a problem, she would call me. Patiently, I listened to her voice and let her drowned into her own sentimentality. And when the time came, I pulled her out of the abysmal sadness l and tried to make her smile again. Unfortunately, puff...she's gone. Where she went to? Still here. Around me. But the distance becomes far. And now, she has a new man to listen to her sentimentality besides her. And that man, I believe, deserves a soft girl like her where this trust lead me to another thought - I believe he can make her smile.


4. Then, I went to Foundation programme in UiTM. I met a not-so-feminine girl with a bright heart. Just like the two girls before, she shared her problem and shet. Luckily, she's the only girl that I realize she has become a very happy person and managed to abandon her misery out of her life circle. The other two? I'm not pretty sure. They've lost me.

5. However, time to time, I start to understand clearly that I'm just an ordinary friend. I'm not a bestfriend to someone and I'm sorry if I don't care but I don't even know what is the meaning of 'bestfriend' shet. BFF? Woah.. I strongly believe that I'm not holding the title. But, to become a listener, I'm always ready for that.

6. Some of my friends abandon me and let me fall into painful situations alone. Alone. And this shet makes me so sad. Even sadder, whenever I need these people, I don't even have any idea of where in the blue hell are they and how to reach them. There was a time where I asked myself, "what are friends for?" And for that reason, I choose to be alone. Alone, not in terms of social, but time spending. Oscar Wilde asked me to spend time alone. And by alone, I become happier. This semester, I start to push myself away from being controlled by the rule of friendship - where you must follow your friend no matter what. A capital F for that and I'm gonna live my life like a biytch. BUT, the rule of fatahul nizam cannot be abandoned - no matter what, if someone got a problem, a good listener, i must become.

8 comment(s):

izzah said...

form 4? siapakah? bananana XD

Fatihah Mhd Ashhadi said...

I understand man. It's painful but then again it's life. I've been in your shoes, but just once. I think once is enough. Btw, our rule is the same. Another thing, I'm just a Line away, if it helps.

fthlnzm said...

@izzah : apakah itu banana? cuba teka. kau mesti tahu punya. lol

@fatihah : thank you. yeah. it helps but no internet connection lo. if there's anything, i'll try to reach you, gal. :)

izzah said...

bananana= lagu iklan cartoon tv9 = suspen. alia?

Huda Ismail said...

well fatahul, good piece of writing. mehh, you always good in writing and I hate you for that.

haha btw,we're in the same boat though different cabin. I feel you.
this piece inspired me. thank you :)

Aisyah Ali said...

Hi Fatahul. I know which one is me. Just so you know, a friend of mine said this. 'Why should we put label on something like 'BFF' shet (like you said)to relationships. For some people, they could have only one best friend, but some can't as their lives are all about their friends. Even though there's no title of BFF whatsoever, that doesn't matter. What matter most is the action. If your friends care for you (like I do!), they will always ready to listen to you. You know, maybe, for one day, you can rest from being the listener and start being the speaker. I know that I am also a good listener and adviser :P. Sometimes in life,if your friends doesn't search for you doesn't mean they don't care. As an initiatives to keep the bond going on, why not you start to look for them. Why not right. Btw, yes, I miss our old life.

fthlnzm said...

i miss you aisyah :(

aisyah said...

Bila baca entry ni rasa macam sedas! Kena.

We're in the same boat. Aku je ke rasa macam terlampau put efforts in the friendship and very eager to keep it on track or am I the one who need to be saved. Kawan lagi besar makna daripada segala jenis pertalian bukan 'legal' yang lain.

But slowly the person that you really care and love will disappear from your sight, literally.

So cheer up dude. Dalam hidup tak semua kekal. Yang hanya kekal adalah diri kau sendiri and your shadow.